Pardon..... What did you say dear?

I have conducted some tests. I have concluded that despite the fact that Super Nan has the volume turned up full on the TV, her hearing is in fact as good as mine. I am sure that its all a ruse to make everyone think that she is slightly deaf, so that its safe to talk about her behind her back.... in fact she hears every word!! You have been warned!!!

On a serious note, Super Nan's hand is still very swollen and sore after her cat attack. I think that Lily knows that she has done wrong as she is keeping a lower profile than a limbo dancing slug. Having been tried and convicted of NBH (Nanny Bodily Harm), Lily is now on a strict bread and water diet and is now not allowed upstairs in the evening.

Day Fifteen: Bin Stress

Well, I put the wheely bin out last night as instructed by Super Nan. Sadly my protestations about the fact that everyone else in the street had their green bin out, Super Nan insisted that I put out the grey one. Apparently Super Nan had it on good authority that the collections were still all "up the spout" after Christmas and the snow and that we really did need to put the grey bin out. Anyway, having been woken up in the middle of the night by men and lorries going up and down the road, it appears that everyone else was correct.... it was a green bin day. So now Super Nan is in a state of high stress...... at least it will give her something to talk (or moan) about when she has lunch with Gwen later.

For those of you in parts of the world where you just throw the rubbish in the bin and it gets collected once a week..... welcome to our world, we have four different receptacles for different types of waste/recycling..... in fact we don't throw things away any more.... its more like doing the filing. And in the state controlled conditions we live in these days here in blighty, even thinking about putting a plastic bottle in the tin can bin is a crime. Some councils even fit wheely bins with micro chips to enable them to better detect that sort of crime. If you don't believe me, look here or here. More worryingly have a look at this Daily Wail story regarding fines if you put the bin out on the wrong day!

Still I am pleased to report that Super Nan's hand has recovered sufficiently for her to drive herself down to Wooburn Green and to make her daily pilgrimage to Budgens.

If anybody laughs....

..... I will bite them next time they show up round these parts. Promise!

I had rather hoped that with Mother away I wouldn't have to suffer the embarrassment of wearing this, but having been on a walk to the village in the rain, Super Nan thought it would be an excellent idea to put it on.

Thanks a bunch!

Breaking News.....

This just in from our Shepherds Bush correspondent.

Informed sources say that Jon Beazley, Head of Light Entertainment at the BBC has just resigned, apparently over the Sunday evening taxi debacle.

Uninformed sources say they know nothing about it.

Read the full story here

Day Fourteen

Here's a clue as to today's action



Having been savaged by one of the cats in the middle of the night, Super Nan need to go to the Doctors in order to get some antibiotics for her swollen hand.

We transfused the Sunshine Bus into one of these!

Subsequently I have been on a tour of Pharmacies in South Buckinghamshire to get the right pills and yet again have worn my pads to the bone.




Consequently we now have a cat to give away - free to a bad home.

The Little Drummer Boy

I had promised to post Chris's performance on here.... so here goes... his first appearance is about 4'25" in. Enjoy. (Look away now if you know anything at all about drumming or if you are easily offended by crimes of a musical nature.) Luckily, despite Chris's best efforts, Danny Jones wasn't voted out of the competition!

Day Thirteen

Well today's excitement was taking Super Nan and Audrey to the Chiropodist in Marlow. I'll spare you the details, but it did feel a bit like a Variety Club Sunshine Coach outing, only without the sunshine.

Still, once we had safely deposited them at the Chiropodist, we were able to sample the delights of Burger's Tea Room for half an hour and buy some lovely bread for our tea.

For some reason, which I can't quite get to the bottom of, I was left outside in the rain......... with some dogs!!

Then on the way home, we called in to Budgen's to pick up some essential tea bags and other supplies. The tea bag situation had got critical and we were considering issuing a Mayday or calling in the Red Cross, but luckily Budgen's came to our rescue and avoided an international incident.

I think that Super Nan is quite enjoying having her own personal chauffeur and bag carrier I guess when Mother gets back, she will have to take over these duties!! - not to mention a few others like making hot chocolate every 20 minutes, listening to Super Nan's endless supply of stories etc etc etc.

BBC Taxi thwarts Paris trip

Well, investigations have revealed that apparently Agent "F" didn't make it back to Paris last night as the BBC booked car didn't turn up at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane to take her to St. Pancras International. So she reluctantly had to return to HQ last night and take a train today with Agent "C".



However...... a few minutes on the interweb has revealed that .....



1) A Black Cab hailed in the street would have taken 10 minutes to reach St. Pancras.

2) Walking would have taken 26 minutes

3) The Piccadilly Line (Covent Garden Tube Station just 250mtrs away) would have taken just 11 minutes.



All in all, it was lucky then that Agent "F" had left her clothes strewn across the floor of Agent "C"'s bedroom on Saturday night!



I have added a picture of the conveyance that Agents F & C clearly assume that we all arrived on. (Not quite what the old saying refers to, but its the best Google Images could do..... and I'm sure you get the point).
















Luckily Agent "S" and I were just loafing about at home and could take them to the station, but really Agent "C" could have mentioned his requirements for a lift to the station when he arrived on Thursday and not just assume that we are all just waiting around to take him somewhere at a moments notice.
Super Nan was here, but she should have been out at lunch but decided not to risk the icy roads. Given the fatal car crash on the Cressex Industrial Estate, it became clear that Super Nan had made a very wise decision not to go out. Agent "C" must learn that strangely the world doesn't revolve around him and the 6 Ps rule... i.e. Prior Preparation and Planning Prevents Poor Performance!

Day Twelve

Well imagine our surprise to wake up and find a light covering of snow! As you can see though, clear blue sky and plenty of sunshine.

Now I am beginning to think that having 'celebrity' relations is not all that its cracked up to be. Despite saying that he would be back on his own at 8.30pm.... Chris turned up at MIDNIGHT, with someone else. Again as Head of Security I felt that it was my duty to alert the whole village that something was up. For some reason, he wanted all the neighbours to think that he had been chauffered home in that stretched limo again, although on this occaision he only opened and closed twelve doors.

Still, an air of mystery surrounds the whole episode as we all thought that Fran was going back to Paris last night for work today and that Chris was going today. At the time of writing (10am), as no one has appeared from Chris' room, we have no idea what's going on..... still I am sure that all will be revealed in the fullness of time!

Super Nan is supposed to be going out for lunch, but I think that she is nervous of driving in the snow. However having watched the item on Countryfile last evening about dog sledding I am getting a bit worried as the old sledge has been dragged out of the shed and there is a bit of hammering and banging going on in the garage. I think as a precaution I will hide my two leads which are hanging up in the kitchen, because after all, I am a Labradour not a husky and to be honest, it did seem like a lot of hard work!

Nice Puppies !!

I have to pick one of these as my new brother or sister.

I think I will wait a few weeks and see which one eats the least.

Day Eleven

Well, its all go here again today.... I have got to go to the yard, take the house sitters for a walk, and Super Nan has decided that I need a little brother or sister, so we have got to go and choose a puppy and on top of that we have got a house full at lunchtime.

Luckily it was too icy at the yard to ride so I got to take an extended run around the common. Then we had to get home to cook lunch for seven people. We pushed the boat out and even put the extra leaf in the table.

Rach and Ollie duly arrived at 12:59 and at 1 pm on the dot, as predicted, our celebrity relations came down the stairs...... however what was not predicted was the fact that they went through the kitchen..... out the back door..... never to be seen again!!!

Whilst professing innocence regarding his lunch booking, Chris did mumble something about the fact that he would be back at 8.30pm (on his own).

So the table was re-laid and the five of us had double portions! As Ollie was a bit 'under the weather' Rach had offered to stay away as they didn't want to pass on his germs to the 'celebs'. Luckily they didn't otherwise the three of us would have struggled to eat lunch for seven!

Despite his ailments poor Ollie filled in for Chris on washing up duty!

Day Ten

Well we were all up early (well, 8am, that's what passes for early since the "regime change") as it was Festival Trials Day at Cheltenham. Polly provided transport and a picnic, the primary contents of which were Champagne & Smoked Salmon sandwiches !!

By the time we got home we had had quite a lot of fresh air.... so we were of course fast asleep at 01.45 on Sunday morning when our 'celebrity' relations got home having been to see some of their friends on the stage in Bromley. As security is one of my main responsibilities here, I felt that it was my duty to wake the whole house up from the moment I heard the car turn off the main road. I have to admit I was slightly excited as it sounded as though they really were living the high life and had come home in one of those stretch limos as I counted at least 17 doors being opened and closed. Imagine my disappointment then in the morning when I discovered Chris' old blue Nissan parked outside!

Is there........

.... any Chicken Korma left?