Day Nine

Well things have settled into a nice routine here. No one gets out of bed until 7.45 at the earliest! (I know that Mother will be reading this thinking that I am joking, but no really, no one gets up until 7.45, honest!) We have even got Lily trained not to bother us all until we get out of bed. Then after a leisurely breakfast I can go for a stroll before my morning coffee. Today is slightly different as Chris is here and he has gone off on the train to London as he is appearing in ITV's Pop Star to Opera Star programme this evening. Its live on ITV 1 so we are gearing ourselves up to record it so that we can post it on here. The hairdresser has been and the lady that does is here at the moment. We are hoping that the handyman will turn up soon to fit the new transformer to the light in the kitchen. Super Nan keeps calling it a "motor", but I'm now bored of correcting her, so a motor it is!

It's amazing how popular one can become sometimes, I thought as it was Friday that I'd treat myself to a curry from the marvellous Radhuni in the village. Word has got out and now I've got a house full as Rach and Hannah have invited themselves round too! Cheek of it, if they think that they are getting their paws on any of my Tandoori Chingri Massala, they can think again!

Now apart from worrying about when the patio door is going to drop off its hinges, I feel I must undertake a review of the cleaning operations which take place here at HQ. A nice lady came yesterday, (Thursday) and in between talking to Super Nan and drinking tea, eating cake etc did some cleaning. Last evening I noticed that the mat from the downstairs cloakroom was draped over the chair in the hall, (I think it was put there whilst the floor was mopped) so being a good boy I replaced it on the floor in the cloakroom. Now today, we have another very nice lady taking the place by storm with the Dyson. However, whilst barking at the postman, who was trying to deliver a parcel, I notice that the same mat is again draped over the same chair not 24hours later! Whilst I admire Super Nan's efforts to keep the place "Shipshape and Bristol fashion" I am of the opinion that there is a degree of duplication taking place.

Now I am also considering a review of whether or not I over use the word "now".

I suppose it would be a bit remiss of me not to mention the plane that landed in the village the other evening. The local paper's website got a little over excited and printed a load of rubbish. Basically it was a light aircraft (Chinese Air Force trainer - a Nanchang) returning to White Waltham from Denham. Weather was a bit ugly, getting dark, pilot made PRECAUTIONARY landing (note precautionary, not emergency) in a suitable field. No one injured, no schools or hospitals crashed in to and most importantly no bunnies or puppies killed. I also love the police comment about "it possibly suffered an instrument failure"..... goodness me, its Chinese, it doesn't have any instruments!!! Well not any that would influence a decision on a precautionary landing.

The Wanderer Returns... and washes up!!

There was quite a lot of running about yesterday as one of the cars had to go for an MOT, which of course it passed, but did involve two trips to the garage and then I had to go and collect Chris from the station. By the time I got home, I had worn my pads almost to the bone! Honestly, you wouldn't catch those cats doing anything to help and they have got three times as many legs as me!

But all that effort was worth it! As you can see, whilst making a rare excursion out of his bedroom, Chris did actually do the washing up after dinner. If you look closely, you can see that he was like a Whirling Dervish even the Super Dooper iPhone camera wasn't quick enough to catch the action.

Day Eight.... Rated Operation

..... what? I hear you say, "Rated Operation"? Don't worry, more of that later. First, the latest news from around these parts.

Well the sun came out a little bit so Ginny & Nigel decided that as it was such a nice afternoon that snoozing in the conservatory was the best plan.

Now, since Mummy has been away, I have had a bit more time to do some thinking. Do you know that between naps, those cats go out 15 times a day, each! Sometimes they only go out for less than one minute before they want to come in again! This means that Super Nan is effectively running a marathon (26miles 385yards) EVERY WEEK just letting those cats in and out. I would like to point out that I only go out twice a day and this is only when the other humans are going out anyway. So here's the thing, what has been keeping me awake at night is the thought that the door mechanism is being operated 90 times a day, as of course the cats cannot get organised to come in and go out together. Now when a company design a product, they design it to have a certain life span, or operate a certain number of times. A uPVC door mechanism is quite complex as it not only operates the handle and yale type lock, but also throws the four additional locking points on the side, top and bottom of the door. Now I have checked with Hazlemere Windows, the locking mechanism for our patio door was designed for 50,000 operations, with an average operation over the year of 65 operations per week, it should last around 15 years. However, with those pesky cats going in and out so often it means that the patio door is being unreasonably accelerated towards the end of its design life. So that means that, in one year here, the door is getting ten years use! ...... so, if I just work out.... the length of time that we have had them, subtract the installation date, from today's date........ means that they will be life expired................ oh, um, er.......... tomorrow. Oh. I think that is what Windows (excuse the pun) would call "An unexpected result".

For completeness, I have included a drawing of a typical lock mechanism, although sadly at the time of going to press, the stress calculations were not available.

Day Seven

Well to be honest its been pretty quiet on the western front today. Super Nan was quite tired after all of her entertaining yesterday. The weather has been quite cold and the promise of clear skies and sunshine this afternoon from the Met Office of course turned into rain. So all in all, and with growing excitement over the impending influx of our celebrity relations from Paris over the next few days, a day to lay in front of the new wood burning stove that we have had fitted in place of the gas fire.

Bernie the Bolt

Apparently Mummy is visiting an old 'friend' (nudge nudge, wink wink, - Ohhh 'er Mrs, Stop It, No sniggering at the back, please!) called Bernie. That reminded me of a certain TV programme that used to be on ITV on a Sunday Afternoon around tea time called, The Golden Shot. I have searched the internet for a clip. I'm sure that those of us of a certain age can remember it being presented by Bob Monkhouse.... but he was actually preceeded by Charlie Williams. I'm afraid that the only half decent clip I could find (from 1974) features Charlie Williams rather than the more memorable Bob Monkhouse.



Whilst on the TV theme, news reaches us this evening that our Paris correspondants are making a rare visit to the UK this weekend for various TV appearances. Hopefully I will be able to post some video on here as soon as I can.

Day Six

As the sunsets over Flackwell Heath, I can reflect on what a day its been! Its fair to say that it has been all go here. Super Nan has had half the village round for coffee and/or lunch. Strangely someone who came for coffee, couldn't stay for lunch and two of the people who came for lunch couldn't come for coffee. On top of doing all the cooking and being the 'Hostess with the Mostess', being a mere youngster, and the one with the 'wheels', Super Nan has had to chauffeur all her guests around too... so what with taking the coffee people home and collecting the lunch people, she was hardly here! Now I'm sure that would have lost her points on 'Come Dine With Me"!

Day Five

Well at last I almost getting everyone organised. Apart from letting Lily out briefly at 6.30, nobody else got up until 7.45! What bliss, I have always said that being dragged around the streets at 6 am was overrated, but no one would listen. After a leisurely breakfast I did go for a walk at 9am, but to be honest it was pretty miserable in the low cloud and driving rain. In hindsight I really should have stayed in bed until around coffee time as the weather is much better now. Someone please remind me to check the rainfall radar tomorrow before venturing out.

Shetland Pony Grand National

For those of you that haven't seen it, this is what Shetlands do best.

Day Four.... what new coat?

Well we all got up reasonably early and trooped off to the yard only to discover that Rory's new coat was looking a bit the worse for wear! At least he was no longer visible from the International Space Station, so I guess that was a bonus, although I hear that Wycombe Air Park were a bit disappointed as they were planning on using him as a Final Approach Fix for Runway 24.

Then as Rach wasn't coming to the yard ( a very long story, involving Barbados and Dog Training - don't ask, the dog training was outside !!! Glad I wasn't there!) anyway I had to oversee the mucking out of Sam's stable.

Then a little boy (also called Oliver) turned up to take Rory out for a spin. He did have a great hat and a new pair of Toggi riding boots. Luckily neither he nor Rory have seen the Shetland Pony Grand National on television!

Then after a very nice Sunday lunch it was time to settle down in front of the gogglebox to watch a film. The best option was Dr Zhivago. Sadly we hadn't realised that it was such an epic and with commercial breaks was four hours long!

Day Three..... It's Saturday !!!!

But there was no time for a lie in.........

I had to get to the yard early, there were so many things to supervise.

Is this where they keep the food?




Obviously checking what Tracy had in her pockets was a top priority.

Then I had to fit Rory with his nice new rug. This created a lot of interest from all the other horses who must have thought that he was some kind of Space Pony that had beamed down from the planet Zorb. However when I turned Rory back out in his field, Tonka was quite jealous and started biting at the rug. Hopefully he won't wreck it. I just wish I'd remembered to have taken the labels off.

Then I had to take Blizz for a walk. Bear in mind that my legs are considerably shorter than his! Although having been confined to barracks for the last few weeks he was quite lively.

Then I had to check that the "Saturday Muck Out" was being done to "BCA Standards".

I could not wait to get back in the car for a snooze on the way home!

Pesky Cats

Ginny has taken pride of place on the sofa,

Nigel has upgraded himself to the big bed

and Lily has hardly noticed that Mother is missing as she has taken her usual spot to watch the television, through her eyelids of course!

Is it really warmer there?

Well Mother tells me that it was 38 degrees there yesterday, although actually I checked on the internet and found that it was infact 39 degrees.

That is quite warm......










..... but now that Super Nan has got hold of the remote control for the fire, its at least 45 degrees here now, despite it only being 8 degrees outside, with light rain and solid overcast low cloud.

Fly Fishing and French Polishing

For those of you not old enough to understand the references to Fly Fishing and French Polishers in my earlier posting, here are the TV commercials to which they refer.

Its also worth scrolling all the way to the bottom of the page as some postings have been updated with photographs.

Peace Shattered

Well how is a chap supposed to get any sleep between meals around here. All hell has broken loose. The handyman has turned up, the woman who does and the hairdresser. Honestly there is so much hot air being generated in the kitchen and I don't mean from the hair dryer, that I am fearful that there will be a sudden increase in the incidence of two legged donkeys in the neighbourhood!

Day Two.... fallen at the first!

No, I'm not talking about Amy Vowles in the Golden Button Challenge, I mean the house sitters who failed to get out of bed this morning. Rumour has it that they decided that an alarm clock was not required as the howling of the cats at 6.15am was loud enough to wake anyone. Well, they stumbled out of bed at 7.45 to find that Super Gran was in the kitchen putting the kettle on and feeding the cats! Actually it turned out that the cats hadn't been fed properly yesterday morning as their sachets of food hadn't been broken up with a fork to make them easier for the cats' little teeth. Get real, these are the same cats than can rip a live rodent limb from limb in the garden, I'm sure a sachet of Kitty Kat presents no real challenge!

By the time I settled down to write this, we had just about got rid of the smell of burning martyr by furiously wafting the back door and copious amounts of air freshener!

Now turning my attention to more serious matters - the day's entertainment - racing from Catterick. I'm not going to worry about the all weather meetings. My selections are:

12.50 Shadrack
1.20 John Forbes
1.50 Sendali
2.20 Ballabriggs
2.55 Milans Man
3.30 Carrietau
4.05 Carpincho

Please remember that I am not an expert! But some people who are experts on racing are the Channel 4 racing team and here is their short item about the Golden Button Ride.

News Just In....

News has just reached us that our intrepid traveller has just touched down in Sydney (21.10 UK time) some 26hours and 5 minutes after leaving home, and having travelled 10,600 miles arriving just 35 minutes later than scheduled, actually isn't that bad!

Come Dine With Me....

Well, things are looking up, the house sitter's culinary skills are almost as good as Mother's. This evening we were treated to a Nigella special: Mustard Pork Chops. To be fair, the title doesn't quite do it justice. It was exceptionally nice, with a sauce made out of double cream, mustard and cider. Pudding (not photographed as I was too busy eating it) was an Asda "Extra Special" French Brioche Bread & Butter pudding made with cornish clotted cream and Madagascan vanilla. Hand finished with Chilean flame raisins and golden demerara sugar..... which is a shame really as the average Asda customer wouldn't know where Cornwall, Madagasca or Chile were, even if their life depended upon it.












Dinner ? Dinner? Did someone say Dinner?

I've been asleep. Did I miss lunch?

A successful afternoon.

Just been to the Tote in the Village to collect my winnings!

Really looking forward to tomorrow's action at Catterick, Lingfield and Wolverhampton. Sadly Chepstow has been abandoned.

Result !!!

Well that was a result... third at 50/1 in the first race. To be honest I am now too busy with the rest of the afternoon's activities to be posting on here... so I'm afraid that you will have to pick your own winners.

Day One continued...

Well, its been all go here this morning. The Sky man has been and installed the dish etc so I am all set for the 1 o'clock at Taunton. My money is on El Distintivo ridden by Sam Thomas and trained by Venetia Williams. Also the Crime Scene Investigators have been here bagging up samples of biscuit crumbs from my bed, no doubt to be produced as evidence for next weeks hearing.

Soup and Toast are on the menu for lunch.... now where did I leave the Radio Times?

Out for a stroll.

Day One

Well after months of planning and minutes of preparation, the day finally arrived. Yes, Mother has gone away on holiday, leaving me in charge of Super Nan and the house-sitters...... not to mention those pesky cats. By the time the house sitters returned from dropping off 'er indoors at the airport the party was in full swing, although for the life of me, I can't honestly say I knew who half of them were!

Still, I think that the next few weeks are going to be great fun.... the thing is, here at HQ, laws are put on the statute books at a whim and then repealled seconds later.... the house sitters don't know whether they are coming or going, but always seem to be in trouble with the local constabulary, i.e. Super Nan. One slight transgression of Byelaw 708 Chapter3 Para 2 was that I was served my bedtime biscuits in bed last night and not in the kitchen. That particular crime goes to court next week, I suppose I should take some interest and look up what the penalty is likely to be, I am not sure if that carries a custodial sentance or not.

Still I am pleased to report that despite the late night, the house sitters were up early this morning (06.15) thanks to one of the cats howling for its breakfast. I'm also pleased to report that Nigel has had his medication (both last night and this morning). I have been out for my morning stroll and managed to pick up a copy of the Racing Post so I can look forward to an afternoon of racing and black and white war films. The racing today is from Taunton, Southwell (AW), Wolverhampton (Evening AW) and Gowran Park, although to be honest, the all weather stuff is a bit dull. Still, the nice lady at Sky promised me the engineer would be here by coffee time so we should be up and running with "At The Races" and "Racing UK" in time for the 1.00 from Taunton.


I'm keeping my head down whilst the last remnants of the party are cleared up. Hopefully the French Polisher will be here soon, but to be honest, there are not as many of them around these days as Yellow Pages would have you believe. It is actually easier to find a book by J.R. Hartley than it is to get a French Polisher.